We Punjabi’s take a great pride in Abusing others. Yes, We may not mean it literally, but Literally speaking it’s gross when we think about the literal meaning of a few of them.
Do the people who say it, mean it? Do they think twice when they say the same to their Friends in a Friendly way. Some times a Father would say the same to his Son, but does he actually want or for even a moment think bad about his Wife/Daughter through her son. The Answer is NO.
But then why?
Probably it’s a part of growing up in North India, listening either to someone abusing in family or in markets, Social gatherings etc. is quite common
I’m not sure why but I always detested this!
When, I was in class 1st (6 Years) I was packed off to a Hostel, Bishop Cotton School, Simla.
Main Building of my School, Bishop Cotton School, Simla
No, No, I didn’t abuse till then, but yeah was naughty and my Father wanted me to be a BIG Man, A Disciplined Man, a Man of Values, so he sent me to the Best hostel in India.
In a Session we used to stay in Hostel for 9 months (March-Nov) and came back only for 3 months (Dec-Feb) for Winter Vacations. I didn’t even pick abusing then.
However as soon as I came back for class 5th which was the first soft step of stepping into Senior Dormitory and Senior school I started abusing a bit as the environment changed completely post moving to the senior dorm.
However, Our Dormitory Warden Mrs. Rosalind Barretto was a Sweet lady but Strict as far as abusing was concerned. And if somebody complained of another student abusing then her favourite punishment was to ask the Abusing Student to apologise in writing, and that too by writing 100 times or 500 times.
This Pic of me along with my Sister Sumrita was clicked around 1989, the time I was in Remove C. The same time when I started abusing
Once I casually abused a dear friend Deepak Bhalla in jest and he complained to Mrs Barretto.
Henceforth, I was summoned in her room & was asked if I had abused Deepak. I nodded my head in Affirmation.
She asked me to write “I shall never abuse again” for 200 times on coming Sunday.
On that Sunday morning when all my friends were playing wearing Home Clothes, here I was in my dorm “Remove-C” writing “I will not abuse again”. By the time I reached 100th line, I got a bit uneasy and wanted to be with my friends outside who were playing and my mind started playing Bluff games.
Thereon, after every 3 lines.. I would miss 3 or 4 serial numbers and then write again. So I finished those 500 lines by writing just 300 times.
We Students think that we are smart but forget our teachers are smarter and Mrs. Barretto got hold of it and asked me to sit in her home and write it again for 500 times. Which I did till 200 times and then started feeling restless and humiliated. Aakhir 10 Saal ka baccha tha.
Mrs Barretto saw through me and asked me to write 50 more and then I could leave.
What a Relief it was to me and to my Thumb which was looked as it has got dented by pressing the pen for so long.
Yes, I stopped abusing then.
When I came back and settled in Delhi I saw every one abusing, from my 4 year old cousin to my 70 Year old grand uncle. They did it with aplomb.
What really turned me off was when I saw my cousins 2-5 years younger using the same language and that too in front of my sister.
This is what I was not able to stand and asked them to stop abusing in front of my Sister atleast. My Sister was their cousin too. When they did not agree to me I used to walk out of the room and did not play with them.
I was called all sorts of things, from being Dheela to Sissy to Jhalla.
It did hurt, but then what could I do?
As time passed and my schooling finished, the very words I detested started flowing from my tongue too, a Bit hesitatingly, but they did flow. My vocabulary had many, but thankfully my Tongue was restricted to 2 most common ones.
In past years I tried to control it, more so when I was in Home with my family, but kahi kabhi ek do nikal hi jaati thi and I used to really feel bad about it.
Anyways, things did continue and life did go on.
But, a few days back while driving I started talking to myself (I do it often, or shall I say, it happens automatically and there I Talk to the person who knows me the best. Myself)
And I started Deliberating with myself on “Why do I abuse?”
It started from MayaPuri Chowk and by the time I covered 10 Kilometers and Reached Delhi Haat, it had been decided that I shall not abuse thereon.
It’s been 5 Months to that I have not abused and hopefully shall continue for life.
By abusing someone, We are not only Abusing him, but also every Girl, Women and ourselves.
Today on Mother’s Day, I decided to write about it because after Bhen the Next most common Gaali is on Mothers.
I am sharing this Decision of mine with you not that I want you to do the same, but atleast think about it.